Music: Neo-soul theme of cheating and its consequences

D’angelo – Shit, Damn, Motherfucker (1995)

Why are you sleepin’ with my woman?

Why are you sleepin’ with my woman?

This comes as a total surprise

I just can’t believe my eyes

My best friend and my wife

Shit, Damn, Motherfucker

Shit, Damn, Motherfucker

Shit, Damn, Motherfucker

Why the both of u’s buck-balled naked?

Why the both of u’s buck-balled naked?

I’m tellin’ you what’s on my mind

I’m ’bout to go get my nine

And kill both of y’all behind

Shit, Damn, Motherfucker

Shit, Damn, Motherfucker

Shit, Damn, Motherfucker

Why the both of u’s bleeding so much?

Why the both of u’s bleeding so much?

Why the both of u’s bleeding so much?

Why am I wearin’ handcuffs?

Shit, Damn, Motherfucker

Shit, Damn, Motherfucker

Shit, Damn, Motherfucker

Shit, Damn, Motherfucker

These lyrics look too short don’t they? Especially when you get to know it’s a little over 5 minutes in length. D’angelo’s neo-soul style has never been one to be filled with words. As a multi-instrumentalist and his own producer, he lets more than his words tell his story. This song never had a video but the lyrics and how it was sung did justice to it.

As always I love to listen to albums just so I can pick out my favourites whether they be the radio-friendly ones or not. On my first listen to his 1995 Brown Sugar, I took a look at his track list and saw a song called Shit, Damn, Motherfucker and wondered why a song title would consist only of profanity. Giving it the benefit of the doubt I listened and its intro is so cool that I got relaxed. After a minute, the story starts and he asks why? His best friend and his wife. His first reaction is Shit as he is bewildered, next is damn! As the scenario hits home. Lastly is Motherfucker as he realises it’s his best friend and his wife committing the act. He says “I’m telling you what’s on my mind, I’m going to go get my nine, and kill y’alls behind” and shortly after he seems to start coming around to his senses as he ask “Why are both of you’s bleeding so much? Why the both of you’s bleeding so much?” Finally he asks “Why am I wearing handcuffs?” and then the chorus again as he realises the implication of what he has done.

Confession-Ft.-Bovi

The Roots – Break you off ft Musiq Soulchild (2002)

The hook of this song got me first along with the beat, The Roots and Musiq Soulchild delivered a song from the other perspective. Here the artist, Black Thought of The Roots, is the culprit of this same phenomenon. Its video is self-explanatory. Black Thought and Musiq exchange glances as Black Thought arrives. The lady meets him at the door while Musiq’s date arrives. Musiq and the lady exchange glances after his date goes in which could mean a lot, especially that Black Thought wasn’t the first guy she’s cheated with. The action starts in the laundry room and then proceeds to the bedroom. On the way he sees pictures of her and her boyfriend and has a confused look on his face, but she’s at the door to the room and she turns around and it doesn’t matter anymore. Meanwhile Musiq is doing his own thing with ice, honey and strawberries. The boyfriend arrives and opens the door with his own keys and catches them still in the foreplay phase and then makes his presence known. Black Thought pushes her off himself and stands with his hands raised probably trying to say he didn’t know she was taken and he hadn’t done anything yet while the boyfriend reaches for a drawer. The scene changes to Musiq and his girl’s date being interrupted by a loud sound. The scene then moves to the boyfriend in a motel coming out to cops with his hands raised.

Both songs have the same basic theme of being cheated on and taking a repercussive action. Sometimes this involves either or both of the cheaters being injured or killed. Heard of people bathing their lovers with acid? Stabbing another guy or girl with a knife? Makes you wonder why they’d get so mad over ‘just sex’ right? There’s the ideal and the realistic views to why they would do this.

From an ideal, Christian point of view, sex was made by God to consummate marriage which is meant to last as long as one lives. Of course with this kind of lifelong commitment in mind, one can easy bare their all, physically, emotionally and spiritually without feeling fear or insecure knowing fully well they are committed to one another ONLY. This is not a selfish act as the love God preaches is not a selfish one.

Realistically, people just see sex as a thing and want it for different reasons, mostly aside the initial purpose it was invented for. Sex now can be done for different reasons. Fact is that aspect of exclusivity in a relationship is always there because we were made that way. However far we venture, every once in a while we realise we want someone to call our own who will always be there and we won’t have to share with anyone physically, emotionally or spiritually. You wonder at the spiritual aspect? Ever heard a man accuse a pastor of adultery because the pastor and his wife are more spiritually in tune than they are?

Woman-Cheating-on-Boyfriend--74568

Let’s even consider one of the extremes: The term ‘swinger couple’ sounds ironic doesn’t it? It means we don’t have to be sexually exclusive but then no matter whom we experiment with, we still have to come back to each other because we still are emotionally attached and exclusive. We are a ‘couple’, the element of togetherness; but we are allowed to explore whatever fantasies with whomever we choose, the element of liberty. Some even allow their partner to stray only when they choose whom it’s with.

I bet you are thinking this doesn’t apply to you right? You are not that extreme. But still even those who cheat unrepentantly with multiple partners still get livid at the thought of being cheated on. Still some don’t care as they never commit to anyone so they aren’t allowed to catch feelings but still they live with the mind-set that all boys or girls are cheats and as such they don’t trust anyone enough to settle down, something they secretly naturally desire. But then there is progress as there is now the trend of baby mamas. But even someone like Future who has 3 to 4 baby mamas still wanted to marry Ciara. Makes you wonder doesn’t it?

Why would a man get illogical enough to assault or kill people because he was cheated on? It’s simple, we have a possessive nature and in a moment of madness we just want to share our pain, and if an acid is what one feel it would take to communicate their anguish then they use it because one one’s drowning in pain, it only feel logical. Worst of all your best friend and your wife, they two closest people in your life asides your family who are obligated by blood. The two people whom are closest to you only ‘cos you chose them as they chose you, only ‘cos they were there at your ugliest times and stayed, only ‘cos they see the best in you, only ‘cos you could die for them as you believe they would do the same, only ‘cos the love those 2 people professed that gave you life is actually hate and you wish them death in an instant of rage! Shit, Damn, Motherfucker!

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Speak Out

So it’s about 10pm and I’m to call someone. Tried a couple of times but it turns out they fell asleep. Smh. Giving a limited time for them to call back I decided to listen to the radio while gaming. A night show with N6 and Joy of Cool FM was on and I got stuck all the way till 1am. I have missed night radio I must confess especially on those nights I was up late and had the silence to accompany my drab lab reports.

So there were several calls and some bewildering stories like the chick whose friend took her where her fiancé was squashing her mum’s 49 year old friend or the bathing girl who washed her face clean just to see a married man looking at her and then he gave her a thumb up. Or the story of a working class guy who streaked for 5k along a popular road at night. LOL. Between the laughs and solemn talks it was all quaint.

But the story that really caught my attention was that of a girl who got a ride from a co-worker who raped her not once but five times. L. That’s just the coldest. It’s every girl’s nightmare just as it is every guy’s to end up in prison with some huge scoundrel. *shrugs*. Imagine you, new job, great colleagues, you’re really excited and then someday one of them decides to give you a lift and then he takes you and … no one sees that coming. But it does happen, even though it may not be in the same form.

We live in this age where sex is everywhere! We couldn’t escape it if we tried. We can only minimize its effects if we cared to. A lot of us don’t get introduced to it the right way and just as everything else we are ignorant of, we tend to abuse it.”Man’s mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions” -Oliver Wendell Holmes. Thereby people develop all sorts of habits from the mild perversions to utter debauchery. I don’t support prostitution but then just as some callers suggested, a working class guy like himself could easily afford those who would even go beyond 5 rounds. Then why make a non-consenting adult go through that trauma?

Before we go pointing fingers here, it’s not always that simple. Besides consensual sex, there are other scenarios. Sex is like a slope, one just keeps sliding down once they start skating. It’s all a question of where you set the limit and if the other person respects it because in an instant all the lines get blurred and ‘boundaries’ are crossed. You want just a kiss and then he reaches for the twins, a case where the occasional make out session goes wrong and today he isn’t turning back at the gate, ‘just a visit’ and you’re begging for mercy, a last minute change of heart but he won’t have none of that and so on.

These are things that happen around and only a few of them get out. Like recently in the newspaper where a man impregnated two of his daughters and got caught when trying to sleep with the third. How many people have gone through these things and had to keep it to themselves? When is it going to stop? In the old days when this happens to a girl, a stigma is attached to her, now that we are better educated have we grown from that? A lot of people are traumatised from these incidents and they only keep it to themselves, they don’t get treatment or adequate attention to heal and recover from the psychological effect this brings to them. A lot of them go around feeling all is well while they are still suffering from the side effects.

My opinion is that women should speak out. It’s very important they do and look out for themselves and their children. A huge percentage of rape cases or assault is done by close persons, from families to friends and associates. This means women have to be extra careful with whom they trust. Men also have to realise that women are our mothers, our sisters and friends and they must hold some kind of self-restraint even if we are in a world where the unrealistic mindset is to do whatever makes you happy. A lot of things around here are allowed to pass by with us saying “What has happened has happened”, it’s time we put a stop to it.

Ergo, as you ladies sing Aretha Franklin’s R-E-S-P-E-C-T, demand it by the way you live, meaning what you say and voicing out your opinions and your hurt. The lady that took her friend to where her fiancé was cheating on her did something rare. Not everyone can say that because we are all scared of being put in the middle and ending up with the blame. As lighthouse family say in their song “Question of Faith”, “Nowadays nobody speaks about, the way they feel about things”. This is a problem and the first step to solving it is speaking out, from the heart where it hurts the most.

We know you would knack tonight!

After being at home a lot over the past 2 months I got to attend my friend’s sister’s wedding. Yay!!! Being an introvert of sort on relapse of recent, it was good to finally go out to a social gathering. Deciding to go with my neighbour who was a mutual friend, he decided we’d go for the reception thereby skipping the church service which was fine by me. I’m a very patient person, as the rule. The exception however is church weddings!!! Oh my! They bore me to death! Even receptions do but with Uno who is a bro from another mother, I was sure I’d stay awake.

All aspects of my elder brother’s wedding took place in one day a few years ago. Last year I was one of the groomsmen for a friend whose wedding was done in a similar manner. Those types of wedding usually takes the whole day and yes I’m happy for them but I get darn bored! The people toasting, the dancing, singing, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera as the king from The King and I would say. I usually find myself walking around, listening to music and basically struggling to pass time. This has often led to mum and I having disagreements as to how my wedding is going to be an exception averse to the regular time consuming galore of activities that obtains in today’s weddings. Yes it might not go down well with HER or HER family, but once SHE is fine with me possibly yawning profusely and/or sleeping off during the church service or reception, they can do whatever they want! Also I’m not going to have the “I’m too tired, I just want to sleep” statement on the first night. That should be reserved, possibly but hopefully never, for the later years of marriage. Hence, weddings should be brief and purposeful in my opinion!

Frankly speaking the title, if you haven’t figured it out by now, comes from the fact that at weddings during these boring periods it does occur to me that these two smiling, giggling, elated people would knack that night! Oh yes! I wonder how they can keep a straight face and smile after giving us a preview (we don’t get to see the movie though) following the preacher saying “you may kiss your bride”. This is the part I always make sure to get a picture of as it seems to be the highlight of the ceremony with people cheering after which there is hardly anything to look forward to. But really how do you sit in front of your friends, family and even her father knowing they all know you would knack that night? I know right? You don’t know how that feels, me neither, as I’m not married. Would I call it karma? Maybe not, but one day it would be my turn and who knows maybe I’d be the only one there conscious of that fact while the guests just focus on taking pictures and filling their bellies.

Interestingly the wedding wasn’t drab as there were people to talk to and it was fun. The lore of single women at weddings wasn’t really present but also wasn’t necessary as I had enough company. Topping it all off was the song “we go celebrate, we go pop champagne”, well there wasn’t champagne but there were hyped-up young ladies who “popped” something and of course young men setting wedding P. Ladies being brought up with their wedding day constantly on their mind, it’s no wonder to see them so happy they having it in mind it would soon be their turn. Well maybe I’m being relieved of my “reaction” to weddings, but next week’s wedding should tell.

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