Thoughts: Unconscious Induction

I remember as a child, looking up to certain people, from MJ, to uncles and family friends. I learnt a wide variety from them, envied them, and couldn’t wait to do the things they did. I remember excitedly watching people drive cars as it was something I realised I’d have to wait for over a decade before I was legally allowed to. I watched both sexes wear trendy clothes that seemed outrageous and yet I couldn’t wait for the chance to make a choice of what I’d wear.

Sometime last year I was in a bus and beside me was a little boy, I felt him looking at me and looking over I saw a look of admiration and a little anxiety. I smiled back hoping he would lighten up. I realised this was how it must have been as a young child looking at older ones, admiring and learning their attitudes and differences.

child-looking-up

Now the tables have turned and I find myself in the position where whatever I do or appear to do would have an effect on the younger ones around me. I realise my words and actions would either bring something new to them for good or bad, or reaffirm whatever they have learnt so far.

I remember advising the kids I taught to take each stage of life as it came and to never act younger or older than they were as they would certainly pass through each phase when it was due. Why live 18 at 15? 23 at 18? 30 at 20? 50 at 30? What happens when you’re 80? You’d live 112?

It was a challenge, I found myself as a teacher whose duty it was to guide and guard these kids in specific subjects as well as about life generally. It was difficult as I had my fair share of stiff teachers and had had my streaks of rebellion. I was caught in between. I wanted to be the young one who’d understand them and what they’re all about and indulge their excesses. At the same time, I wanted to be the older one who had experiences to share so that they wouldn’t make the same mistakes I had and to lay as good a foundation of discipline as I could.

How well did I do in the end?

Very well I dare say!

Only because however tough I was on them, they still were comfortable enough to open up to me and nearly 2 years after, I’m still in touch with a few of them.

My point?

The more we grow, the more liberty we gain, religiously, economically and socially, tend to use as we please, which is just great. But however much we’d like to tell the younger ones what to and what to not do, they still see what we do, and will re-enact what they fancy immediately or at some time in the future.

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I find I’m still learning so much from the older generation ahead and that it’s my duty to filter through what I learn so that whatever I imbibe is of a positive benefit to not just myself but the younger ones whom I unconsciously inspire. The future depends on how we inspire those who will take over from us, just as much as it is inspired by what we chose to keep from what we learnt every day. So choose wisely cos the younger ones would question our choices just as much as we question the older one.

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Letting go…

In just that moment I didn’t care, I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me
When would it stop?
You apologise for the same things, the few times you do that is
Never stopping to see things from my point of view, how dare you?
The pride in your aura suffocates the air
Imagine the sun growing and melting the planets one by one, that’s the way my love for you burns away
How long till there is none left?
Hate
How great?
The heat that melts the sun
The cold that freezes hell over
Is that really possible?
Is it ever black and white?
Like the earth with only land or with water only?
So many little pricks, like acupuncture, only with all the pain that should come with it
They all sum up till I bend or you break
It’s tiring; I can’t keep fighting you for us
So I’m letting go…

I deserve to know, it’s only fair really
Telling me you forgot, making me look silly
It wasn’t you alone, sharing is caring
But now you don’t care so you refuse to share
The fact that it’s buried doesn’t mean its dead
If in daylight, it can be exhumed without fear
The skeletons in our cupboards we dread
Trust me, I can keep my composure during closure
Will I ever get to know?
Should I move on or wait for tomorrow?
Resurrection
Mortality
Life is never fair
Live life to the fullest
Oh how we settle for less
Time is the road we can’t cross
But love came alive on the cross
Someone said life is a play we don’t get to rehearse
The cursor blinks still, waiting for the story to be finished
Questions still unanswered
So I ask to let go…

My conscience is clear, I tried my best
Can’t give you what I don’t have
But I give you what I want back
Sincere love the best way I know how
Time
You’re only ready when I’m gone
Like a damaged womb with many children unborn
Or like a vampire who doesn’t wake to the sun
In Gulliver’s land who are the Lilliputians?
And so my actions go unnoticed
Little acts from a big heart
Isn’t that what matters?
But we are mere matter
In the end, nothing really matters
Our errors are enough
Past, present, future
A continuous cycle
Does it ever end?
Yet, we’re given one life to live
Goodbye to the past
The present is a present and I embrace it
The present is the past when the future is present
So I reach for the future and as for the past
I’m Letting go…