I happen to remember my last blog post and the hint of contradiction contained in it and I don’t know how, but my mind went to “A walk to remember”. Remember that movie? Skip all the mushiness and get to the part when he helped her achieve that part of her bucket list by taking her to the border and making her straddle the state line in a way that she was in two places at the same time. I really wonder how she thought she would achieve it before placing it on her list.
A lot of times it’s easy to forget we are in two places at the same time before we declare war and send missiles to the other party where our other self happens to be as well. Hence we desist from pointing fingers after being burnt by such scenarios. We might amend our statement or change it altogether to accommodate our denial when we are caught breaking our own rules.
Thereafter we sometimes learn to mind our business, not judge people and only tell people our own views on matters so it won’t seem as if we were referring to anyone else. That then leaves us in situations where we’d keep quiet and watch people around getting hurt or harming themselves and we won’t voice our concerns because we don’t want them to feel judged.
Is this healthy though?
The fact is that we all judge, every moment of the day and everything that comes our way. So how do we judge without being condemnatory?
It’s simple, hold on to your opinion and respect that of others!
The error made is when we go further to pronounce judgement on a person who acted outside the borders of our opinion.
For example, “Oh she’s pregnant, that’s the end for her”. While it is true she might find certain things difficult to do while taking care of her child at the same time, it does not mean she would not go on to achieve those things still. The error is in predicting a negative outcome as opposed to professing a positive solution in light of the mistake she has made.
Click Here for a brief example
Who are you kidding if you say you won’t judge people and/or situations? What difference does it make if you have possibly better opinions but don’t speak them? Who are you deceiving when your pastor does some things you really can’t wrap your head around even on a spiritual level but yet you hold on to the common saying “…touch not mine anointed, do my prophets no harm”? Since when does asking for clarification become a sin?
Day in, day out we observe a lot of things and opinions are formed, sustained or modified, and the only way to change things is to strive to express these opinions in a way it would bring about a positive change. So do go ahead and judge and if you come up with something negative, find the positive to it before you speak. There are however some situations where trying to be positive may not suffice or perhaps may not be possible. If this is so, mentioning things such as “we can get through this together” may go a long way. Also if it tends to be a point of contradiction for you, do add that you are a “victim” of it yourself, so it doesn’t come back to haunt you!