Inaccessible, A Friend

A stranger going in the same direction

Met on a train, sat in opposite directions

Inevitable eye contact and then a smile

Started to see myself after a while

Was it my error or did those eyes resemble a mirror?

Felt exposed in front of them, just like a visor

The moment felt infinite, until we reached the next station

Realised we were going in different directions

Still no love to give…

How do you give love when you’ve got none?

You keep giving love, when is it your turn?

Too much hurt, her heart’s a fiction,

Inaccessible, no infiltration…

The aura of youth, felt the need to protect it

As time passed, love grew, thought I could ignore it

The perfect imperfection, by natural selection

Felt we’d fit except it’d be weird without emotion

The knowledge of self and pursuit of destiny

Take me in directions where you are without me

Lonely walk on this path of truth

Which leads us infinitely, on parallel routes

Still no love to give…

How do you give love when you’ve got none?

You keep giving love, when is it your turn?

How do hearts collide on opposite directions?

Inaccessible, no infiltration…

A stranger becomes a friend in less than a minute

My pattern of thought she seems to mimic

Transparent in motive, shroud in secrets

Vacillating trust helps the interest flourish

But wait! Is it always finders, keepers?

Present before the ‘minute’, does he intend to keep her?

Loyalty or Greed? A friend or a friend?

The dilemma before me, what to start or what to end?

Still no love to give…

How do you give love when you’ve got none?

You keep giving love, when is it your turn?

Loyalty over greed means me choosing to shun

Inaccessible, no infiltration…

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Unavailable, A Friend

A friend, just like a blinker

On and off, used to think better

A perfect match except for parts that matter

Nipped in the bud before a starter

Still no love to give…

Another friend, love to let

The right we do and regret

The past we can’t undo

I wish happiness for you

Still no love to give…

Another friend, a qualified candidate

With a mind that’s top rate

A good heart somewhat naïve

Got a whole lot of love to give

Still no love to give…

Another friend, an open mind

A soul mate that’s not my kind

Sometimes choosing to be blind

I presume a search for a heart I cannot find

Still no love to give…

Another friend, skin like I like

No reason not to like

Meshing of gears defines our minds

Trivial is the cause of the grind

Still no love to give…

Another friend, aura of youth

Like the old, wisdom embroiled in truth

Below the need to protect,

My want of you cos you perfect

Still no love to give…

Yet another friend, just like a child

The love of yourself so mild

In this wild you are made a prey

Here to protect you, also from me

Still no love to give…

How do you give love when you’ve got none?

You keep giving love, when is it your turn?

Too much work, your heart needs a vacation,

Unavailable, no representation.

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**Originally Posted on Facebook on the 12th of March, 2012

Unavailable, A Stranger

A stranger, with skin like the sun, hot!

Calming eyes that work their way into your thoughts

Is beauty in mystery?

Or the anxiety of denial that leads to misery?

Still no love to give…

Another stranger, with eyes like the sun

Aura of a snub, disposition of a nun

Seemingly beauty with character

Watching from a distance like a sniper

Still no love to give…

Another stranger, like a child

Mind like a king

Hoping you calm my wild

Distanced by a ring

Still no love to give…

Another stranger, aura of a queen

Holds courtesy like a mace

Blunt as the truth

Mind like outer space

Still no love to give…

Another stranger, met by chance

Waiting for an invitation to dance

A blast from the past

To stay or walk past?…

Still no love to give…

Yet another stranger, quaint

A search through memories so faint

The appearance of a saint

Unsteady like rough paint

Still no love to give…

How do you give love when you’ve got none?

You keep giving love, when is it your turn?

Too much work, your heart needs a vacation,

Unavailable, no representation.

Image

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**Originally Posted on Facebook on the 12th of March, 2012

Assembly and Attendance

While doing my devotion, I came across;

Ps 133:1

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! KJV

And it reminded me of:

Heb 10:25

Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. KJV

After numerous years of living a moral but scarcely religious life, I decided to live out all I had been taught. I started from the rudiments, reading my bible and praying every day. Reminds me of that song that we were taught in Sunday school, how did it go again?

“Read your bible,

Pray every day x3,…

Read your bible,

Pray every day,

If you want to grow,…

If you want to grow x2,…

Read your bible,

Pray every day,

If you want to grow”

Ok! Snapback! This isn’t for reminiscing! Where was I?

Oh yes! It was childish fun singing that song, but we were never told it wasn’t child’s play carrying out those superficial commands. I did pray every day growing up, well almost every day and it was this synopsized prayer that lasted roughly a minute of which I’d sleep off before the minute was over some of the time. It was a mantra I’d murmur every time irrespective of how my day went. That had to change and it did. I also initially read the bible as if it were a story book till I learned how to interpret it.

As time went on I thought of stabbing the “assembling of ourselves together” a.k.a. church. I mean I’d learnt what it entailed to have a personal relationship with God, realised we repeated stories I had seemingly mastered and that there was the political aspect of it I’d rather avoid. So I came to the conclusion staying at home and observing the words of that song was ample enough to make heaven! I realised no matter how hard I tried to avoid the bad thoughts about the brethren, there were always flaws, there were always points to criticize. Blemish was present from the top of the hierarchy to the bottom. The scandals and hearsay from the popular churches and local ones was daunting. So why not stay alone and build my relationship with God and avoid all that surreal “church drama”?

 

This was where Heb 10:25 came in. I realised no one is perfect and we all need to hold each other up especially those struggling to stand and those who have fallen. How do we do that worshiping privately? Even Jesus came for the sinners as stated in Matt 9:13. I hear people finding faults with their church choir as if the choir was meant for entertainment as opposed to setting up an ambiance to enable people worship God. I often tell people to forget the choir, close their eyes and worship God. I had to learn how to close my eyes to the flaws of others especially when I am at the receiving end of it, resolving to either pray about it or say nothing else since I am well aware of my own shortcomings. There are countless times I have found myself distanced from God only to reconnect with Him when I’m fellowshipping with the brethren, how would that have been possible if I were on my own? If not for the church, how would missionaries and evangelists be organised enough to achieve the things they have such as bringing Christianity to Africa and to other places?

Ergo, I realise the importance and need for the “assembling of ourselves together”. Ps 133 describes the unity from this as good and pleasant, so if the “assembling of ourselves together” doesn’t feel the same way for you then you probably still doing something wrong. Love is a pleasant and good thing, God is love and we should feel love in His presence. The assembly is important and its supported by YOUR attendance!

Welcome to Scar City!

Lovely day it would be as I already had plans. Slept late knowing fully well I’d have to wake early to drop mum off. It was a few minutes after 7 and we passed by the filling station and saw a little queue and so mum suggested I’d get the car’s tank filled up before going back home. It seemed it wouldn’t be a bother as I figured it wouldn’t take long and I’d be on my way home in no time, to complete my sleep and then start out on my plans for the day. Yay!!!

On my way back, I joined the queue right before the station’s exit as the last car was parked after the exit. I got down from the car to assess the situation, a tanker in sight close to the station’s entrance but no one was selling fuel. I was told they were waiting for someone to help offload the tanker. Checking the time, it was a few minutes to 8 and so the waiting began. Soon a couple of us sat down waiting and then Kehinde came to join us. It was good seeing her; she had been away for about a year so we had a lot to talk about. We did some catching up, talked about her trip, the fact that she was meant to be jogging and not queuing for fuel and the challenges of my final year. We delved into issues, from the things people go through during their education to Chinese people being everywhere, social networks and the state of the nation. She and I talked about the schooling system and how we had been victims of lecturers at different times.

 

Some cars left the queue and so we had to move our cars forward and then we went back to our discussion. All of a sudden a guy brought his car and parked blocking half of the station’s exit. We challenged him but he came up with a silly excuse which we just ignored. Our conversation proceeded till we heard a man screaming at the guy to remove his vehicle which drew some attention. The guy once again started explaining his silly excuse which wasn’t received warmly. Then he did the most annoying thing and said “Sebi Yoruba ni yin?” (But you are Yoruba right?). This annoyed Kehinde as she had moved over to see what was going on. She continued speaking English ignoring his tribal sentiments. He was eventually forced to do the right thing and vacate the station’s exit point. Going back to sit down we talked about how people put their personal desires ahead of other people’s comfort and expect them to sit back and accept it and how this extends all the way up to our political “rulers”.

By this point in time a young man named Cyril had joined in our discussion as he had been silent all along. We then talked about different issues especially with the fact that we had fuel scarcity in a petroleum producing country. We talked about driving being a lot safer than biking in cases of accidents; this was of course inspired by the revolt towards Gov. Fashola’s ban on motorcycles in Lagos. We agreed it would cause some strain on the people but also agreed that things couldn’t get better if they remained the same! We went into the need for paternity tests while sharing different stories we’d heard. Talked about death in the country especially in cases where it was unusual or could have been prevented. For example the sale of fake drugs or expired goods sent abroad for their expiry dates to be changed, repackaged and then re-imported as new products. A case of how a family would mourn the death of children who died in an accident after a night out drinking or one where someone died flying off the back seat of a bike that was stopped suddenly because bikes have hardly any safety installed on them.

 

Yes! That took a lot of time, by then it was after 11. The queue moved and people started jumping the queue because others couldn’t get in their cars quickly enough. Do YOU think that was unfair or just being smart? By 12 noon, they started selling fuel, but by then there was a long queue of cars and several people with jerry cans around the fuel pumps. Yes! As expected there was a lot of cussing, lying and blagging going on. I’d give two particular instances. The first was a woman who parked at a distance, brought her jerry can and used a security vehicle as a guise, as it was given priority, to buy fuel. In no time she was out of there leaving those of us who had waited for over four hours still on the queue. Secondly was a man who gained entry through the exit and acted as if he wanted to fix his tire or so and stylishly joined the queue. He was gone in a few minutes leaving the rest of us there and again, do YOU think that was unfair or just being smart? Cutting my already long story short, I got home after one o’clock to have my bath and breakfast after which I laid down and slept off while chatting leaving my plans for the day unaccomplished.

Thinking about it all I realised the scarcity gave me a glimpse of how scarred this city is. How the lies, curses, pride, and all the things that aide corruption worked their way into the supposed simple act of queuing to buy fuel. People felt cheated with the way they were treated, most of us left the place disappointed even if we achieved our purpose. We were strained, our time was wasted, and we fought when people wouldn’t do the right thing while in our hungry, angry state. We got fuel at the price of not just money, but time (which also is money) and left with scars. This was just one place and one event. The truth of the matter is in places all over Nigeria, everyday in all sorts of scenarios, we scar each other with our self-centred words and actions. Each scar weakens us emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually and psychologically. That’s why we find it hard liberating ourselves because this cycle is re-generated everyday! Finally it re-enforced my belief that even if the government turned a new leaf and did things right we the people as part of the problem would probably sabotage change as we seem to love the status quo. It also gives credit to Cyril’s line of thought that maybe what this country needs is an honest, progressive military leader. What do you think?